Tick-Tock

Just wanted to update anyone who’s keeping track – the divorce decree was officially filed yesterday so now it’s just a matter of a judge signing off! They said it shouldn’t be more than a week, but I’m not going to make ANY plans until I get the copy of the signed official decree. and then i’m gonna parrrty

It’s going to feel so weird to not be married anymore. Even thinking about it now feels weird. I’ve been married for over seven years. SEVEN YEARS! And soon I’m going to be single. I’ve never been a single adult. I mean…I got married when I was 22, but I was fresh out of college and hadn’t actually had to be an adult yet. Now I’m going to be single with a child and a mortgage! I’ll be a divorcĂ©e.

It’s still stupid depressing that my life has turned out like this… If you’d told me nine months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you that I’d be sitting here right now typing this post. But the changes in myself and my life that I’ve experienced over the past few months… I don’t know. I have definitely come to the realization that my life is better because of it. There are aspects of my life that are now way harder, and more frustrating, and less than ideal. But so much more has improved. And continues to improve every day!

I just felt this huge weight lift from me when I got that email, y’all. I’m so ready for this drama to be over. So ready. I’ve changed the locks, too. It’s almost like a physical feeling…the ending of a chapter of my life. I don’t know if it’s just because time has dulled the memories, but it feels more powerful than even getting married did. I don’t know…maybe I’m just being weird.

And I can’t wait to stop talking about it so much! Soon “The Divorce” will just be another thing that has happened in my life, it won’t be THE THING THAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. It won’t take up all my mental/emotional processes. I’ll be free to focus on other things. Better things. New things. I can’t wait!

Now I just need to get this damn heart tattoo removed…

The best laid plans…

The divorce was supposed to be finalized yesterday. It isn’t.

I don’t understand what’s gone sideways. I feel like we did everything we were supposed to do. I just didn’t fully understand what the lawyer was telling me, or they didn’t explain things properly, or something. I thought all we had to do was complete this god-awful online parenting class before Jan 4. We did.

I emailed the paralegal on Tuesday, Jan 2 and got an out of office email from her. She’s going to be on vacation until next week. So I email the lawyer. No response. I call yesterday, Jan 4, and the guy that answers tells me my lawyer is also on vacation until next week. Well, he said he was “out of town” which…I’m assuming is vacation.

I reached out to my ex to see if he’d gotten an acknowledgement from the paralegal that he’d completed the parenting class. He didn’t. So she may have already been on vacation, or just didn’t get to it, or something…it may have never been sent to the judge in the first place. PLUS – the guy I spoke to yesterday said that the judge was “pretty good about getting to them within 2-3 days”. SO EVEN IF IT WAS ON HIS DESK HE STILL MIGHT NOT HAVE SIGNED IT YESTERDAY.

Oh, and several people who have gotten divorced are like “Don’t you have to go to court?” And…I don’t think so? The lawyer hasn’t given any indication that we do? But that apparently doesn’t mean anything! So once they get everything filed and the judge sees it and gets around to signing it…is it done? Or do they then have to schedule a court date?? I DON’T KNOW. Ugh.

It’s just…frustrating. I have had Jan 4 in my head as The Day for months and…now I’ve just got a question mark. At this point it’s just a formality, anyway. We aren’t fighting over anything, we’re already following the parenting plan, etc. The only thing is child support…which will be nice. But honestly, the amount he’s required to pay won’t even cover half of the daycare expense for a month. So it’s whatever.

I don’t have the energy to get upset over this situation anymore. I used up all my emotions last year. Now I just feel like I’m treading water, waiting to tie a neat little bow on the situation so I can finally – finally – move on with my life. It’s dumb that that date keeps getting pushed back, but whatever. The past seven months feel like both an eternity and a moment. So another week or so is nothing. And I’ve got my entire life ahead of me.

I’m just gonna crank up the volume on my “fuck you” playlist and get through this day.