Reflection

Goodness. That was a LOT to unpack. I really dredged up a lot of emotions and feelings this week as I worked through everything. It feels good, though. Cleansing. The point, though, was to reflect on how alllllll of that might be influencing my thoughts on having babies. (Not that I’m about to have a baby or anything. Slow ya roll.) I feel like I’m done, but I also feel like maybe I feel like that because when I think

The Fallout

Dear God, please let this be the last post… lol! In my first post, I glossed over our relationship leading up to the summer that everything fell apart. I definitely didn’t go into very much detail because I had to cover like 9 years in a single post. As far as I was concerned, they were really, really good years. He was my best friend. I seriously thought we were super in sync and solid. The more I learned about

Okay, Here’s Some More

I don’t think I can fully explain to you how totally unexpected my divorce was for me. Like I said before, things were rough. But, like…I just thought it was normal rough. He was my husband. We had a child together. We had just gotten through the hardest year of our marriage and things were starting to look up. But, yeah. Things got worse, then they got terrible, then it was over. I went from feeling optimistic about our future

Public-Facing Diary

This really probably shouldn’t be a blog entry. It’s gonna be too personal. But it is what it is and I am who I am, so here we go. My therapist suggested this exercise. Not putting it in a blog, no, but writing it all out. I’ve got a lot of anxiety around childbirth/babies that is probably definitely not all about childbirth/babies, but also includes the trauma of the fact that my entire life fell apart the year after my

Well That’s Weird

I have thirteen tattoos. I started getting tattooed a decade ago and other than my pregnancy and Wade’s baby stage I’ve gotten tattooed pretty regularly. I’ve got big tattoos. Weird tattoos. Conversation-starter tattoos. But something about this sleeve has…changed…the way other humans interact with me. And it’s got me thinking. So when I was younger – a teenager – I never thought I’d get a tattoo. And if I did it would be black and gray. STEEPED in meaning. And

Get Outta My Headspace

I’m on my phone and half asleep while I type this, but I’m doing it anyway. Because I’m stuck on this thought of… How can you borderline hate someone and also feel thankful toward them? I don’t know how I’ll ever straighten out my thoughts regarding my ex-husband. Because, I mean… What’s the point of being angry with him? Why am I so upset? The loss of a future that wasn’t promised anyway? I have no doubt we could’ve been

Dirty Thirty

I had a pretty great 30th Birthday celebration, y’all. The week prior to my birthday I went on a camping trip with my family. The night of my birthday one of my best friends from high school came over and we sat on my porch sipping beer and relaxing. The weekend after my birthday was my “BANGIN’ 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY” and I had so much fun. Saturday: bike ride putt-putt lunch + ice cream pedicures dinner random adventure to a

To My Ex-Husband, On Our Anniversary…

We started dating sometime in August 2008. A month or two later we realized we didn’t really remember when when started dating, so we didn’t have an official anniversary. We knew it was mid-August, so we picked a date: August 14. Two years later we got married on August 14, 2010. Seven years after that you moved out of the house on August 14, 2017. We filed for divorce two months later. I don’t know when you gave up on

Anniversaries…

Life is interesting, you know? A year and a half ago I thought I was happily married. I guess I wasn’t. Because about a year ago, my life went to shit. I wasn’t sure what to expect as this time of the year loomed…but really, for the most part, things are good. Definitely infinitely better than where I was last year. Which really isn’t very impressive. That bar was set pretty low. Did you know that all this started (for

Dream Journal?

I had a weird dream last night. I don’t think it’s significant or anything, I just wanted to type it out because it’s been so long since I had a weird dream. lol! Anyway, so idk where we were, but we discovered that if we put on these red glasses and stood in certain spots, we could travel to a parallel universe. Everything was the same, but different. As parallel universes go, you know. But then it turned out that