Clearing Out My Brain

So I’m going to Divorce Care, right? It’s been really good up until the last couple sessions. One was basically telling people they sinned if they got divorced unless it fit certain criteria, and some people should never get remarried unless they marry their ex again. That was weird. And the most recent one was “Single Sexuality”. I’m not EVEN going to get into that, okay? It was weird. I didn’t enjoy it, or agree with most of it. And it was awkward af. It felt like I was talking to my mom about sex or something. Ew.

The point is, one of the conversations that kind of came out of it (mainly because I don’t think anyone wanted to talk about sex) was about kids. One of the ladies talked about how she dated a guy that had kids and he put them before her and she didn’t like it. That a spouse should come first and kids come second, because that’s how God intended it…something, something, something.

Anyway. It rubbed me the wrong way. Because my son will always come first over anyone I’m seeing. I expressed as much, and then someone else mentioned how her ex always put his daughters’ wants above hers and her daughters’… I didn’t really say anything else, but I’ve been dwelling on it ever since.

To me, when I say “put my son before anyone I’m seeing” I mean his needs come first. I’m going to be there for him. No matter what. If/when I get in a new relationship or get married, I’m not going to toss him aside and start my life with my “new family”. I’m not going to ignore him while I focus on another person. He will play a major factor in every decision I make, from now until forever.

I’m not saying that I’ll put his wants before my potential future spouse. He’s not going to be the entirety of my focus every minute of every day. I will gladly go on trips without him – as long as I also go on trips with him. I’ll hire a sitter to go out on dates. Once I reach a certain point in a relationship, the other adult will be an authority figure over my son. If there are disagreements I’m not going to always side with my son just because he’s my son.

Does that make sense? I just keep mulling it over in my head…I can’t fully explain what I’m thinking. Like…I just have this sense of priority and I feel like I know where the lines are, but can’t really give specific examples because they haven’t happened yet.  You know?

Anyway, work’s over and I gotta go pick up my little hellion.

2 Replies to “Clearing Out My Brain”

  1. It’s going to be such a hard thing. I would think harder if the other person also has kids, because at some point as the relationship progresses, the kids have to be treated equally by both parties. I feel that would be hard, to not side with my child over another child, so I don’t envy that.
    But I totally get want you’re saying. Children become a significant priority when you have them, and that’s how it should be. It doesn’t mean you don’t have other priorities too, but kids aren’t ones that should be slid to the back burner.
    ❤️ You’re awesome. Wade’s a lucky guy, to have you as a mom. Always!

    1. Interesting – I was thinking it would be easier with someone who had a child, because you could relate to each other, but I can see your point as well.

      Being a parent is hard. Even if the birth mother and father stay together and only have biological children…it’s hard. Dealing with adoption, divorce, step-parenting, etc…it’s just different. I’m sure it adds extra layers (and maybe this is coming from my own naivete) but I feel like it’s just ALWAYS hard. Not that this will be any harder, necessarily. Maybe.

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