I met with my therapist on October 30. That’s right before a whole bunch of shtf with my ex on October 31 and into the first week of November. I’ve had a pretty rough month, y’all. And I don’t see my therapist again until December 4. But I think it’s okay. I’ll be alright. I just have a lot to discuss with him. So much so that I keep meaning to write it all down so I can get it out in order and not leave anything out.
I’ve noticed the past several days that I’m in a perpetual state of near-cold-chill. The best way I can explain it is…you know how you kind of have to sneeze, but then you lose it? It’s the sensation that I’m just about to have a cold chill, but it never hits. So annoying! When it first happened I didn’t think anything about it and just kind of jokingly posted about it on Facebook. Then someone commented and was like “Could it be anxiety?” B*tch, it might be. Because it hasn’t gone away.
I’ve been dealing with insomnia, too. And I never have problems sleeping. Ask anyone that’s ever known me. I fall asleep quickly and am almost impossible to wake up. I don’t move until my alarm goes off the next morning. But that hasn’t been happening recently. This weekend was especially bad. I was up for a couple hours Saturday night.
I’ve also had an overwhelming desire to cry pretty much all the time for the past few days. And I have cried several times – on my way home from my parents’ house, sitting in my living room last night, in my cubicle today at work…
Anyway. I don’t know if I’m dealing with anxiety or depression or just a natural part of the healing process (or a combination of all three) but it kind of sucks to be dealing with this around the holiday season. It didn’t entirely ruin Thanksgiving (we had it this past weekend instead of during Thanksgiving) but it did make it…less enjoyable. I have a feeling Christmas is going to suck.
I don’t know what the point of this is, other than I still haven’t written anything in my journal this month and I felt the need to get it all out so I can breathe a bit. I have really supportive friends, but everyone gets tired of listening to someone hash out the same stuff over and over again.
I’m just tired and angry and sad and…all the emotions.