Blogging Killed the Journaling Star?

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I got my first journal when I was 13. My sister bought it for me for my birthday. (Thanks, Sister!) I journaled religiously for seven years, getting a new journal on my birthday every year. Right around the time I started dating Mr. T I pretty much stopped entirely. WHICH REALLY SUCKS. I have no record of basically our entire relationship! Which is the Best Relationship! I always blamed this on the majesty of True Love – I was so busy with my soulmate that I didn’t have time to journal. ;) Of course, I also developed a social life (thanks, CS guys, for being my frand!) and…I’m pretty sure that’s when I started a blog. >.> So, blame whoever you want but I haven’t kept a journal for nearly a decade (old af). I’ve started another one, though! I’m really hoping to get back into it. Even though reading back over the things that I wrote as a teenager has caused me to experience physical pain (seriously, how did I ever make any friends??) it’s nice to get a glimpse of the person I used to be. No matter how terrible she was. -.- It is a bit depressing to see the dysfunctional aspects of my personality and realize that they’re still very much present. It’s also SUPER depressing to read about meeting (and even dating) people that really f*cked me up over time.

The last journal I really kept was the year I was dating the douchebag I dated before Mr. T. Apparently he read it, and would get pissed if I didn’t talk about him enough. So literally EVERY SINGLE POST has “I love my boyfriend so much!” in it. He also didn’t want me to have any male friends, and one night when a classmate slept on the couch in my apartment because we’d stayed up all night studying he told me to be sure to lock my door (projecting much?). I also distinctly remember (even though I didn’t write about it) when he discovered I had started dating Mr. T he messaged me (this was before I totally blocked him out of my life) that he told me Mr. T was untrustworthy…he knows this, because there was “a look in his eyes”. He told me that it was extremely likely that he would cheat on me one day. I didn’t want to have sex before marriage and he basically said that he would probably “slip up” one night (um…rape??). After we broke up he “found Jesus” in an attempt to win me back – going so far as to get baptized at the church I drug him to every weekend for over a year.

Oh God – this wasn’t supposed to be a rant about terrible exes. It’s supposed to be a rant about not journaling. But, yeah. After reading about my relationship with him, my relationship with my other exes, some interactions I had with my parents, and just…seeing how my mind worked as a teenager…I’m really glad I’ve scheduled an appointment with a therapist this week. I’m 5 kinds of dysfunctional, you guys. I’m pretty sure the only person I’ve ever been 100% myself around is Mr. T…and sometimes “myself” is kind of a terrible human being. :\

ANYWAY. Considering the closest thing to a “journal” I’ve kept the past 9 years is this blog, and my Blogger blog before this one, I’m going to research ways to possibly export them into Word or PDF documents, so I can download and print them. Is that insane? It’s probably insane. idgaf

(Do you know how to export massive amounts of blog content? I’m gonna Google it, of course, but I like to ask anyway.)

(Also, if I still knew my Xanga URLs…omg, that would be GOLD. Thank God I don’t.)