Saturday Product Placement

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I’ve had glasses since I was in the first grade. I didn’t start wearing my glasses until I was in the second grade. The first day I wore them to school I was called “four eyes” and I didn’t wear them again for another year. >.< From that point on I’ve always had glasses.

Once…maybe early high school, or late middle school…I tried hard contacts. I have astigmatism and at that point in time I think they recommended hard contacts. Let me tell you – that was rough. With hard lenses you have to put the contact directly on the pupil. I was so. bad. at it. I hated touch my eyes! Still do, actually. My sister makes fun of the way I put in/take out contacts. Apparently it’s really weird. WHATEVER. The hard contacts didn’t work out.

A few years late as technology improved I was able to try soft contacts and those really worked for me. I went contacts-only for a few years but then I finally got a pair of glasses I enjoyed wearing. It ended up being about 50/50 on if I was going to wear glasses or contacts. These days I wear glasses more than I don’t. I’m lazy, but I also stare at a computer all day. Apparently they’ve done studies and you don’t blink enough when you’re looking at a monitor. I know from personal experience that my contacts get super dried out by the end of the day, which makes me tired. I saw a commercial recently about a new type of contacts that should help with that…maybe I’ll look into that at some point.

But this post has nothing to do with contacts at all!! It’s alllll about glasses. Excluding this rather lengthy introduction.

Have you heard of Zenni Optical?? I bought my red glasses from them last year and even though they’re a bit too big for my face, I love them! I get all sorts of compliments about them, too. Guess what? They were only $6.95! Oh, look – I wrote about buying these glasses last October. #MAGIC

Anyway, they were dirt cheap. I got the frames for less than $7. I got clip-on sunglasses for less than $4. I got the most premium protective coating for less than $15. If I wasn’t blind as a dad-gum bat they would’ve been much cheaper, but I had to get the next-to-most-fancy lenses so they didn’t turn out looking like Coke bottles. They still weren’t too bad, only $34.95. Once you add in shipping, I paid $65.75 for a smashing pair of glasses.

They have a little “frame fit” app on the side of their website where you can “try on” frames before you buy them. I was bored and thought I’d give it a go. Sweet Mother Mary it was rough. I was like SURELY this isn’t accurate – these glasses can’t really look like this on my face, right?? So I “tried on” the red ones I already owned… Oy…

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I mean…yeah. If anything, it looks better, because my prescription doesn’t go all wonky with the perspective. Also I’m a bit sick so attempting to smile and look perky gave me kind of a crazed look… The point is – the fit is pretty accurate. Unfortunately. And THIS is why I don’t take front-facing pictures when I wear these glasses. Stupid blindness making my face look all weird and stuff.

Anywho, I found a few different ones I liked, although God knows what they’ll actually look like on my face. I posted them on a FB group I’m in that has like 3k women in it (that makes for some interesting times) and everyone that commented on it chose the same pair. Mr. T was taking a nap, but I needed to make a decision right then, because reasons, so I woke him up and asked him. He picked a different pair. Then I posted it on my FB wall and the first wave of people there all went with Mr. T’s pick! But a few people went with the other pair as well. I really couldn’t decide…

why not both?!What’s the point of having an HSA if you never use it! (We totally use it all the time, thanks to the chiropractor and now the dentist.) So I bought two pair of glasses! The frames I had picked out were both around $20, so I didn’t get any clip-on sunglasses, and I didn’t get the super fancy coating (but I did get the next level up from free so there is some protection). They were still only about $58 each, and with shipping my total was $117.80. I’m really looking forward to getting them!! Yay new things! 8D

And since I can’t keep you in suspense any longer, here are the pictures:

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Gah – I can’t get over how jacked up that straight shot of my face in my red glasses looks…is that what I look like when I’m talking to someone?!


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Update: I apologize for this most grievous error! I didn’t mention that Little Hippo recommended this optometrist to me. I’M SO SORRY, LITTLE HIPPO!!

Went to the optometrist yesterday. Got my ‘scripts. I’M BLIND! No one is surprised. He said “You’re actually not too high above the average prescription.” and I said “Well I feel bad for the average person, then.” I’m hiLARious!

Anywho, it has been a hot minute since I visited the good ol’ eye doc. And the one I went to was from my hometown – Podunk, USA. (No, that isn’t a real place.) (Well, it might be, but it’s not my hometown.) So this place was fancy. Let’s see…

First, when I made the appointment, the woman called me “honey bunny”. >.< Other than that the receptionists were kind of rude. I can’t point out anything in particular, but it just felt…off. They were really short with people and not very explanatory. Apparently they aren’t covered under my insurance. Even though I found them on my insurance company’s website under “if you go here, we got your back”. But other than that I had a lovely experience. The nurse or whatever was super friendly.

What happened first? They took pictures of me eyeballs!

Me eyeballs!And then we did the spoon over the eye bit, testing for colorblindness. Then they did this cool 3D test that I don’t think I’d ever done before. So that was fun. I can see in 3D! Then she took me in this other room with two more machines – one had this image I had to focus on and then suddenly blue light circles! Something about testing my eyes’ response to light? And then the glaucoma test where they blow air on your eyes. Fun fact: No one had ever done that to me before. I COULD HAVE DIED FROM GLAUCOMA AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW. Or something.

Everything they had was electronic, so the final machine was calibrated just for me. Let me tell you – FANCY. The doctor was fairly young and has worse eye sight than I do. So we insulted all those see-ers that talk about how blind they are when we would murder them and scoop out their eyes to replace our own to have such good vision. Wait, no. That didn’t happen quite that way. I’m going to pretend it did, though. It amuses me. My old doctor just had the letters up on the board and was all “1 or 2?” “1….or 2?” “Any better?” “Any better?” “Aaaaaany better?” But this one was all circles and numbers and red or green, left or right, top or bottom…it was pretty snazzy. Then he told me that with the help of my prescription I have better than 20/20 vision! Which…is honestly kind of depressing. Because I had all these dreams of getting LASIK and it blowing my mind. Don’t get me wrong – still want it. And it would be AMAZING to wake up and just…be able to see. I mean – come on! If you can still function without glasses/contacts you do not know. You do. not. know.

Anyway, after all that he took me into a room and BAM! I had contacts. Blew my mind. My previous doctor didn’t have enough customers to do crazy stuff like have a billion contacts in stock. We had to wait for weeks before they came in the mail. And I walked out with brand new contacts!! Magical. But the problem is…I purposefully wore my glasses so I could get them refit. If you have contacts on you can’t see when you put glasses on. In case you didn’t know that. So I took them out and asked old dude to fix them. He messed around with them a bit, then gave them to me to put on. I, of course, could see nothing. So I asked him and he was like “Yup!” and I said “Thanks!” and left. Got home, took out contacts, put on glasses. dafuq? I can’t quite figure out what is wrong…but something is wrong. I think he may have…no, I have no idea. Something got bent wrong. So I ordered new glasses!

Even though I had to get the next to most expensive lenses (THANKS, Obama!), and I got the best scratch-resistant coating, AND I got clip-on sunglasses (so sexy, I know). Even though I got all that…it was only $66. AFTER S&H. Blamo! Also, they’re red. 8}


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It’s embarrassing how excited I am about going to the optometrist. I’m trying to call them “optometrists” instead of “eye doctors” because I feel like I sound about six years old when I say “eye doctor”. Although, when I went to hunt one down on my insurance company’s website I typed “obstetrician” instead. Hey, they both start with ‘o’. I was close.

Anyway – I’m on my last pair of contacts, that I can barely wear for an entire work day before wanting to claw my eyes out. My glasses are relatively new, but the left lens is scratched beyond oblivion. Which doesn’t bother me while I’m wearing them. But they’re also super warped and the eyelashes from my left eye rub against the lens. THAT is maddening. And may be what is causing the scratching? I always thought eyelashes were pretty soft. Do butterfly kisses freak anyone else out??

I have a chiropractor appointment today as well. I’ve been going to the good ol’ chiro since January. Yay, scoliosis! I have no clue if it’s helping. I didn’t really have back pain – I had a sore jaw. But that got better! And I found out my back is jacked up. Since I was fairly active in college (I mean, not really, but I did have to walk around and I rode my bike to campus) and now I’m not (I sit. All day. All freaking day. omg the sitting I do), my back gets sore more now than it did pre-chiropractor. I’m giving the old doc the benefit of the doubt and assuming my back would be in much worse shape  had I not started going to him when I did.

But let me tell you…the first back cracking you have at a chiropractor is almost a religious experience. It. Was. Glorious. I wish I could have that again. Now that I’m going every three weeks, I almost get it. I was going once a week and it cracked a lot each time, and then not so much, and then it didn’t really crack anymore. So then it was every two weeks – same thing. And now it’s three weeks, and we seem to have leveled out. My family keeps asking if I’m ever going to get another x-ray (you should see the first one!) and I dunno. I haven’t asked, because it will cost money. lol!

We’re on the high-deductible plan, which is supposed to be GREAT if you’re young and healthy. Unfortunately I started going to the chiropractor right as it kicked in, so my HSA has never had more than a couple hundred dollars in it. If you have no idea what the last few sentences mean, congratulations – you’re still young. A year ago I didn’t know what it meant, either. And now look at me. Broken down back and rambling about HSAs…

The thing I’m dreading the most, though, is the dentist. I do not want to go to the dentist, you guys. It’s been since 2009 that someone with training and degrees pertaining to it has looked at my teeth. I’m so so scared. I used to have terrible teeth. Terrible, terrible teeth. Up until high school, every time I went to the dentist they either found a new cavity or were filling a previously discovered one. And then it got better! Life was great! Oh huzzah!

Dad retired in 2009 and we all got put on Mom’s awful teacher insurance. No dental. No dentists. Now that I finally have it again, I’ve been putting it off for nearly a year. A YEAR. Because I’m scared. I started flossing again yesterday! Because I know the time is soon. Soooooon. Do you think a few weeks or month or flossing will make up for years of missing dentist visits? Me, either. :(