Well…

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I am in an absolutely foul mood today. Mr. T went to his hometown last night, even though I mentioned the weather forecast was DISASTER and DESTRUCTION. So now he’s stranded there for an unknown amount of time. People keep mocking “the south” for closing down due to a dusting of snow and some freezing rain, when my entire back yard is a solid block of ice and the front yard looks like this:

Well... | The Wilson Buzz Well... | The Wilson Buzz

The dogs are driving me absolutely INSANE. I can’t get comfortable on the couch. I’m technically “working from home” today but have zero desire to do anything. The only email I’ve gotten is to set up another mass email – I’m the official SPAM producer for our company. I hate doing these. Have I mentioned the dogs are driving me crazy? And I hate everyone? Because I hate everyone. Especially the dogs. We NEED a sectional sofa, because all three can’t fit on the couch without a lot of finangling, and I’m not in the mood to finangle today.

Midway through the morning I had an epiphany. I grab my phone to check my theory and yes…

 

My period starts today.


Things I Hate About DIY Blogs

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Do you capitalize “about” in a title?

Anyway, just a quick run down of things I hate in blogs – mainly DIY ones.

  1. Perfectly styled and unrealistic “home tours”. ESPECIALLY around Christmas.
  2. Perfectly styled and unrealistic anything to do with kids. Birthday parties, bedrooms, crafts…
  3. All these flipping recap posts (yes, that’s what triggered this).
  4. Revealing that the redonk expensive thing you just did was donated by the company.
  5. Quitting your blog because of whatever reasons. >.>

That’s all I can think of right now. I just “mark as read” -ed a dozen posts that were all links back to the same blog. I think I’m just bitter, but those irritate me. As do the Christmas home tours. Your post isn’t real life! It’s definitely not my real life, but I know it isn’t yours, either. The only thing more irritating than that is when they post “real life” pictures that are STILL barely messy. “Enough with the staged pictures – here’s a shot of my real life!” *cue photo with 6 toys on the floor* Gag me. And the posts where some SAHM spends hours and hours coordinating every minute detail of her kid’s party into a theme… Cake, ice cream, potato chips, presents. Chill the flip out, Pinterest!! Then there are the posts where the person is blogging about this amazing thing they’ve done – textured accent wall, tiled anything, new floors, building furniture, or a million other things… I’m like “Well that’s awesome, let me go to the website! SWEET JESUS, it cost that much?!” And then I notice at the bottom of the post “I was not paid for this post, but I was given all the supplies for free.” Good God – they just “paid you” thousands of dollars. This is 110% bitterness, too. No one reads my blog, and I will never get free things like brand new faux wood tile flooring for my entire flipping house as a way for a company to promote themselves. It’s a free country and I am definitely going to judge you for getting things I want. *pout* But even the stuff they don’t get for free is so crazy expensive…maybe I’m just cheap. But the thing that stands out the most to me is one post… Oh magic, I found my exact post on FB from way back in May when this incident happened. No, I haven’t let it go yet.

DIY Bloggers vs Me

“I didn’t want to choose anything too fancy because there were already so many great focal points in this space, not to mention the budget was running pretty low. So I found these simple, yet adequate fixtures at my local home depot and decided to spice them up just a tiny bit.”

Follow it up with a screenshot to a $50 lamp. They bought four of them.

Honey, when my budget is “running pretty low” that means I have $50 TOTAL (usually even less, tbh) to spend on lamps and we’re going to Goodwill for a make it werk Tim Gunn moment. My ENTIRE budget is probably not far from your “simple, yet adequate” solution for just the lighting.

Which is probably why my house looks like it does…

And the thing I hate the most is when a blogger quits. It usually happens once a blog has gotten astronomically huge and I guess they start to feel the pressure of performing for their audience or something. Their whole life revolves around the blog and it’s soul-crushing and they need an escape. Again – this is probably only because a handful of people read my blog infrequently – I think that’s just silly. I obviously can’t relate to that, but why do people put so much pressure on getting posts out on a schedule? Do people seriously go to the actual website to check? “The Wilson Buzz posts every Thursday by 10:00am, so I’m going to check it at 10:30 and if they’re late I’m never going to see the post!” Is that reality? Because I use Feedly and have no flipping clue when the blogs I follow post. I guess it’s different if you’re trying to make a living off your blog, but what’s the big deal in just posting when you feel like it? I’ll post a billion times in one day, then not post for two weeks. If I’m really clever I’ll space out the posts that I write all in one day over the span of several days, so it’s not so feast or famine. But honestly…I post for ME, not for my readers (thank God – or I’d be posting for no one). I guess I view a blog like a journal. A very public, potentially life-ruining journal.

Now I’m going to schedule this for a few days out, just so I know I’ll have at least one post next week. 8P


Tissues? His shoes? Issues.

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Miss C and I, at some camp or some such thing, got hysterical at one point because one of us mentioned that the other had issues, but she misheard, asked for clarification which was also misheard and it spiraled out of control. I dunno – teenagers are weird, man, don’t ask me to make sense of it. That’s what happened, and I gotta live with it.

The point is, I have awful, horrible, wretched self-esteem. And a few incidents recently have really exacerbated the issue. I’m totally going to vaguebook up in here, though.

The first, and worst, was kind of said in a joking manner…but I feel like there was more than a little bit of honesty in it, and it came from someone that I didn’t anticipate was judging me under such a harsh light. It didn’t have anything to do with me personally, exactly, but about my house/lifestyle. I know we’re messy, and it’s hard to keep things clean with the pets we have/foster… But they basically said my house was gross, smelly, and unfit for children. Ouch.

Not too long after that I had to attend a function that required “Country concert attire” – but not redneck Country…classy Country. I went out and bought a dress that was on clearance at Old Navy, along with a jean jacket, and borrowed my sister’s cowboy boots. I was going to this event with coworkers. Oh! And the first coworker I’d invited at first said no, but as others decided to attend she changed her mind and said that, yes, she would go, because now it would be fun. So that kind of hurt my feelings…apparently I’m not “fun” enough to hang out with solo.

I ended up riding with another coworker – I was kind of feeling spiteful and didn’t want to hang out with the one who didn’t think I was fun. 8P But that was a mistake. Coworker #2 was meeting up with friends of hers to finish getting ready. I was already ready. And they were taller, more polished, classier…just more adult than I was. They had all these outfits to choose between, and jewelry to try on, and were doing their hair and makeup… I felt like a little sister that was just in the way. So I stand off to the side, sipping my alcohol, and get…drunk. Waaaaay too drunk. Thanks social awkwardness, paired with poor self-control! I’m sure I was horribly embarrassing. They say I was fine, but… I don’t think I was.

And then outside of specific situations I just have a general feeling of incompetence. I don’t feel like I’m dressing professionally enough. I don’t wear makeup. My hair is…weird. I don’t know if corporate America is for me. :\ But I also have no self-confidence in being able to get a more tech-focused job at a software development firm. Even if I did, I’m not sure I’d enjoy the work. I’m just…feeling out of sorts. With myself, my life, my decisions… I don’t enjoy being an adult, and I would like for it to stop.

One more whiny bit of business… How does one make friends as an adult? All the people I went to school with for six or so years that understood me and I’m comfortable with have all moved away. Now I have “coworkers” and “people I go to church with”… It’s all well and good to make small talk, but we don’t really hang out. I always feel like I’m saying/doing something that puts them off. I don’t feel like we have anything in common… I don’t know if when we are chatting they enjoy it, or I’m just annoying to them.

UGH. I hate my stupid brain.

I probably shouldn’t even post this, because I’m coming across as a whiny turd, but I haven’t really blogged in awhile so if I’m going to spend this much time type-type-typing away I might as well hit “Publish”.


Bonnaroo Tickets 2014

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I’ll just copy pasta the email I sent to Bonnaroo and Music Today, so you get an idea of how my day has gone:

I’m sure you’ll be getting a lot of emails regarding this Bonnaroo ticket debacle. But I figured I’d throw my voice into the mix. I got on right at 11:00 CST and hit “Buy Now!” – immediately thrown into a 7 minute waiting room. This wasn’t too surprising. When the screen finally “loaded” (I’m pretty sure it never loaded all the way – I’ll let you know if I ever get to that again) another 7 minutes had gone by. I finally was able to get a ‘2’ in my ticket window, then clicked on “Add to Cart” (or what I thought was “Add to Cart”). Nothing happened. I was terrified to hit refresh in the fear that I would get thrown back into a queue. I finally tried to view my shopping cart, even though it still said ‘0’ – maybe that would wake something up. I got an error message. Tried to hit back, was thrown into the queue again, this time for 14 minutes. When it hit ‘0’ it stayed there for several minutes and then went to a totally blank screen. I just hit refresh for lack of a better alternative. OH GOD I’M IN! The page definitely didn’t load correctly the first time. Just added 2 tickets to cart….come onnnnn, come onnnnn….

Ah, just read on FB that you had to reset the servers. I’m kind of surprised you weren’t prepared for this? I mean, I know I wouldn’t know what needed to be in place but this is kind of what you guys do. And Bonnaroo happens every year. I believe I saw somewhere that you’d been doing this (selling tickets online) for 12 years? I feel like you should know what’s up at this point. Sorry if I’m rambling – just making small talk until my shopping cart loads. The weather today is GORGEOUS! I live in Tennessee – right outside of Manchester. And can you believe last year is the first time I went to Bonnaroo?! I was kind of disappointed in the lineup this year, but Cake is my all-time favorite band, so I had to go back!

Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I was able to get in and get the Price 2 tickets again, but it’s still loading after I hit “add to cart”. So help me if I can’t get the “cheap” tickets after waiting AN HOUR I’m going to be so pissed. I see on Facebook and Twitter that people are buying them now, and my little tab just keeps loading away, with nothing happening. Yet again, terrified to click anything else or hit refresh in the fear that I will get an error or get thrown back into the queue. Can you believe I started this email TWENTY MINUTES AGO and I still don’t have any tickets?!? The most shocking thing is that I started trying to buy tickets AN HOUR AGO!! I’m not impressed with your service. Okay, I’m going to do it – I’m going to click “Add to Cart” again. Mistake?? Probably. But the alternative is lose my ever-loving mind.

OH I GOT AN ERROR MESSAGE. OH HOW LOVELY. OH THIS IS JUST GRAND. SO NOW I’M STARTING OVER – AGAIN. I would like to point out the lack of swearing I’ve done. I deserve some sort of award for that. Holy shit – sorry, I did so good… I got back to the order screen and now the “Add to Cart” button isn’t working. I hit refresh and it zero’d out my tickets. Tried ‘2’ and “Add to Cart” again – now it’s thinking!! IT WORKED!! I gave $5 to the “Greening Initiative” because the planet doesn’t need to be punished for your ineptitude. Oh, sorry…that was a little mean. Now I have a timer ticking down. Is that when my tickets expire? BECAUSE I’M WAITING ON YOU. It’s been over a minute of MY TIME ticking down. Alright, now we’re nearing 3 minutes. I hit “Continue” again to no avail. I now have less than 8 minutes to finish my order (if that’s what this countdown means). I don’t even know what will be asked of me after this!! I am now regretting that $5…is that what broke you? Can your servers no longer handle math?? “Oh gawd – we have to add $5 to the total!! What was the total before? Did anyone write it down?? Maybe if we just let her time out she’ll enter it again!” I’m down below 6 minutes now.

Holy shit – you charge over $1k for a TENT? My timer is now red and says I have approx. 3 minutes to finish my order. Oh, yay – another $15 to mail me a tiny packet. OH SWEET BABY JESUS I GOT IN WITH LESS THAN A MINUTE TO SPARE. The timer was flashing at me. FLASHING AT ME. AT ME! Like it was MY FAULT it was taking so damn long!!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know how my morning went. It is now 12:23 CST (exactly 1 hour 23 minutes after when I began this journey). My husband had to take my car to work because I couldn’t leave the computer, so now I can’t take our three dogs to the dog park. I guess I’ll just have to walk them around the neighborhood. More exercise for me, anyway. So thank you? And also fuck you. I’ll attach some screenshots so you know I didn’t make any of this up.

  1. I spent a lot of time on this page (note, looked nothing like this the first time I came to it). Sometimes the “Add to Cart” button worked, sometimes it didn’t. It was always a surprise, always lots of fun!
  2. I was stuck on this page until the timer dipped down below the 4:00 mark, leaving me exactly zero time to contemplate purchasing the $15 Bonnaroo book? wtf is that? I didn’t have time to read about it because I had less than 4 minutes and wasn’t sure how many pages of BS I would have to wade through before being done. I did have time to nice that two-person tents were going for over $1k – I’m not sure who to blame that one on, but if you get someone to actually pay that, GOOD FOR YOU.
  3. Now you see how angry my timer is?? Maybe it’s always red, I’m not sure. I also got slowed down on this page a bit because I was in such a rush I didn’t realize I had to pay another $15 to ship the tickets, and it took so long for the error to pop up it KEPT REFRESHING THE PAGE TO SHOW ME THE ERROR EVEN AS I TRIED TO CHOOSE A SHIPPING METHOD.
  4. This is me attempting to show you just how very little time I had at the end. Sorry, not sorry, you can’t see the timer – IT WAS FLASHING BECAUSE I HAD LESS THAN A MINUTE TO GO. And if you’ll notice my favorite little message ever is down there at the bottom of the page “Waiting for bonnarootickts.tix.musictoday.com…”

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Update:

Just got this from “Benny Roo” (If that IS your real name!):

Thank you for your interest in the Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival!

As you can imagine, we are experiencing high delays and heavy traffic due to ticket purchasing today. We can only ask you to be patient while we sort all of this information out. We realize that you may have been unable to purchase the tier you wanted because of problems so I will forward your email on to the relevant department heads for a refund of the price difference.

Please let us know if you have any further questions.

See you on The Farm!

Best,

Benny Roo
Which, I’ll feel kind of bad if they try to refund me any $$, because I actually still somehow managed to get Tier 2 tickets.

Ugh

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I swear the only reason I have people over anymore is to force myself to clean my house. I haven’t even started to pretend to take Christmas decorations down yet. I’ve got a group of people coming over to watch the Paranormal Activity movies tomorrow night, so I’m going to take decorations down tonight and clean tomorrow. Our house hasn’t been clean since before Christmas. Okay, let’s be honest – our house hasn’t be clean since we moved in. But it’s been closer to clean than it is now.

Our bedroom is still in chaos. I do need to make another post about that…the wall painting is almost done and I have some concerns. I won’t get into them here, because that wouldn’t be any fun. I need to try to take some crappy phone pictures and ramble about it in-depth. Have you ever noticed that a lot of words you put before “it” end in ‘t’? I almost always end up typing “tit” – for example: “abou tit” – the first time I type it. Exum does it, too, so I’m not the only one.

Khat is still peeing on random things occasionally. She did have a UTI, but that was treated. Now she’s just being spiteful. Both our dog beds have holes in them. Stupid dogs. AND something – guessing Khat – peed on them. FR has been letting her cats run loose again, and I swear her stupid cat keeps knocking our cats’ water container over. I need to move it back down to our bathroom.

God, I really need to pee.


Just Trust Me

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Mr. T and I are equal parts cute and just embarrassing. I was coming here to post about something that just occurred and realized I am incapable of summarizing it effectively.

Watching someone play a 3D game while you are not wearing 3D glasses just makes you feel drunk and confused. And yet I can’t stop watching.

I hurt my back today. I was just at the chiropractor on Thursday. It’s also like 1 degree outside right now. And I have to work every day this week. Every week needs to be Christmas.

Did you know Wolf of Wall Street has the most f-bombs of any movie ever made? It has 500+. So that’s something.

I have passive-aggressive anger issues. I’m also lazy. And tired. This is an awful post. I’m going to bed.


This is going to be random…

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One of my greatest goals in life is to be even remotely as funny as my dad is. The greatest compliment I’ve ever gotten (in my opinion) from my sister was when she told me I had Dad’s sense of humor. My uncle, too. They can tell stories, man… My uncle passed away a month or so ago, and that just really, really sucks. He was only in his 60s and perfectly healthy. Cancer – it’s no joke. :\ Anyway – that was super off-topic.

I’m here to complain about my day so far. I just thought of that because the office manager told me I made her laugh. It’s the little things…lol! But on to complaining!!

  1. Ice. So much ice. No snow! Just ice. There was a sheet of ice and all my ice scrapers are in the PT Cruiser!! My car was still mostly frozen after I got to work. >.<Ice | The Wilson Buzz
  2. So after I manage to get all the way down 96 with no issues, there is a three-car accident in Franklin itself. Two-lanes, and only one is blocked. Thanks to rubbernecking, it was still as slow as Christmas (which really isn’t accurate because holy balls Christmas is really close right now). Come out on the other side of that and I’m behind a MINI going – I kid you not – 25 mph. TWENTY-FIVE MPH! And then right down the road a construction crew has the right lane blocked again to unload equipment.
  3. I get in to work to find an email from one of our business units (BU). They’re located in Indi-freaking-ana. Can’t get a video on a CD to play in a DVD player. Their “IT” isn’t able to get the file to run on her computer so they’re asking us to make them a DVD. I mean…wtf are we supposed to do?? Mail it? Freaking do it yourself! I told my boss I could take the corporate jet and fly down there for the day if they really needed me to burn a DVD for them. >.<
  4. The final straw came from the BU whose website I’ve been working on for for.ev.er. FOREVER. It’s set to go live NEXT WEEK. Next week! Get an email: “We think it would have more of an impact if we wait until mid-January. We want a big PR bonanza to go along with it and that won’t happen around the holidays.” ……………… I told my boss I was done for the day.
  5. Did I mention the thing I’m currently doing for them is creating OVER TWO-HUNDRED 301 redirects? That is a lot of redirecting, my friends. A lot of redirecting.
  6. I’ve lost focus because it’s lunch time and I’m hungry. I think this is enough complaining for one day, anyway. Farewell, all.

Car Shoppin’

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Okay, folks. My car may or may not be beyond repair. I’m so sick of telling this story, but I’ll type it all again, for posterity’s sake.

A week or two ago, my “Check Engine” light came on. And in M’boro you can’t pass emissions if it’s on. So I went to AutoZone to have it checked out and they gave me the code…something about a misfiring cylinder or something. Dude said it was most likely a bad spark plug. I tried to get Mr. T to investigate, but he wasn’t comfortable doing that on his own. I have a cousin that is a mechanic, but I hate bugging him about car stuff. I figured that since it was most likely a bad spark plug, we could just take it to a repair place and have it fixed easy peasy. Well…$700 later I regretted that decision. They said a bunch of connectors and such were corroded (and they replaced all the spark plugs). Whatever – we need that car, so we paid it. I pick it up and start driving home…”CHECK ENGINE!” They guarantee their work, so Mr. T takes it back and they mess around with it all day and finally give us The News. One of our cylinders isn’t getting 100% compression – more like less than 50% what the others are getting. They think it may be some sort of valve lid or something that isn’t sealing properly. But wherever that is isn’t easy to get to, so they’re basically going to have to take our car apart. And that’s $800. Just to see if what they think it might be is what they think it is. If it is, we’d still have to pay for parts and for them to fix it. If it isn’t…we’re out $800 (plus the $700 from before). So we’re rescuing it from those crazies and taking it to a crazy that is related to us – my cousin. Once we get his opinion we have to make some decisions. Here are some options I’m mulling over:

  1. What’s the worst that could happen?
    I just keep driving ol’ Emily (my car) until she falls apart, saving up for a new car. How soon until she’s dead for good? Can I make more money off of her by trading her in/selling her now than if I wait until she’s over the hill? We’d have to fix her up good enough to get the Check Engine light to go away, and that may cost more than it’s worth. Not to mention we have to get new tags by the end of January.
  2. “New” Car
    Smithy’s grandmother has an Oldsmobile she’s going to try to sell for $1,000 or so. She has another car going for a little bit more – maybe $3-3500. I trust Smithy not to try to screw me over, because I know where he lives and will hurt him if he does. But I’m concerned about the long-lasting quality of a car that is selling for only $1,000. I’m going to need to drive this thing nearly 50 miles EVERY WORK DAY for as long as it takes to save up for a newer car (probably two-ish years).
  3. “NEW” Car
    I’m never going to buy a NEW car, but I could buy a “new” car in that it’s going to cost at least $10k. I have my concerns with doing this… We’re trying to pay off Mr. T’s final student loan. We’re set to have it paid off by the end of 2014, but that involves throwing $900 at it every month. We don’t have enough money to do that and also make a car payment (and Dave Ramsey would yell at us most severely if we took on more debt). But we don’t have enough money to do that and save up for a car, which is what Dave would prefer we do. And the only car we can afford with what we have saved now is the $1k car mentioned previously. We don’t have enough to even buy a $5k car without getting a loan. So is it worth it to pay more for a car now that is better and will last longer, but we have to take out a larger loan? Or should we buy the $1k car, not go into debt, but risk it breaking down within the next year or two and then pay for repairs? Or should we buy a $5k car and have a smaller loan that we can pay off faster and try to buy a nicer car in a few years, after this one goes kaput?
  4. Postponement
    Mr. T has his red Jeep that is in great shape, considering it’s from the 90s. He also has a less nice Jeep that has sat for a little over two years that is his “project car” – painted like the Ecto 1 and e’ertything. It’s mostly drive-able, but needs some TLC. So what he wants to do is have me drive the red Jeep and he drive the Ghostbusters Jeep until we save up for a car. My fear is that something will happen to the red Jeep and we’ll be boned. Then we’ll have like…a day…to find a new car. Whereas now we have some leeway. Maybe. Gah! I just don’t know what to do!!

Dragging Out Debt
I really, really, really want to get this student loan paid off! But I’m thinking we’re going to have to pull back on our payments on it no matter what ends up happening. There is a ticking clock in my head now – I don’t know when exactly it’s going to run out, but we need to have money for a car soon. So we’re either going to need to start saving for one or start making payments on one. Even if we go for one of the no-debt options (keeping my car or buying the $1k car), I doubt we’re going to be able to put $900 toward the current loan every month. We need to save for a car! I’m super bummed about this, but we can’t use up our entire emergency fund on car repairs. There could be a million other things that happen to us over the next couple years!

Now, for a slight more fun debate…if we do go with #3 and buy a “NEW” New car…what should we buy?

  1. Zoom, Zoom
    I’m leaning toward fuel-efficiency/fun over future practicality. Someone pointed out that my “dream car” wouldn’t be practical once we have kids. But I won’t be driving 2 kids and 2 dogs to work with me every day. And, let’s be realistic, Mr. T’s Jeep is from the 90s. By the time we start to get tight on space it’s probably going to need to be replaced, anyway. And since he has a (much, much) shorter commute, he can drive a larger, less fuel-efficient vehicle.

    1. Smart ForTwo
      omg I have loved these cars since I saw my very first one. A search on Cars.com shows that there are six within 30 miles of me and the prices range from $8k to $15k. These are by far the least practical for family driving, since there is no back seat. But they get amazeballs good gas mileage. AND THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE.
    2. MINI Cooper
      The same Cars.com search has 17 within 30 miles, ranging from a little over $10k to the not-going-to-happen price of $25k. These do have back seats, but usually only two doors. But that’s better for emergencies if I need to put a car seat in or something.

So…what do you think? Do you have any other suggestions? If you don’t think I should get a ForTwo or MINI, what other suggestions do you have? Is there a way to do any of this without going into debt? Know anyone selling a car? HELP ME. lol!


Drones

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Quick question to all you other office drones out there…

What do you do for your back? I have a jacked-up lower back, apparently. Discovered it right at the beginning of the year and have been going to the chiropractor frequently. I’ve been down to every three weeks for awhile now, so that’s good. But now that we’ve stopped taking the stairs at work (I think the HR VP got to my co-walkers…no one will do it anymore) my back bothers me more than it ever has. It’s not pain, just discomfort.

my back

 

One of the guys in benefits has a big exercise ball that he sits on. He said it’s more for his upper back, though. I’ve thought about a standing desk, but we have shorter walls between cubicles to our left and right…so if I stand I can see into the other IT cubicles. That would just be weird. I could just make a lap around the office every hour, but I’m afraid people would start to notice me doing it and be like “dafuq?” I have another chiropractor appointment tomorrow, so I’m going to discuss it with him as well.


Roommates

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I’m sure I complain about roommates too much. I’m sorry. I can’t promise that it’s going to stop any time soon. This is an open letter to the Internet, but mainly it’s for any person/married couple/homeowners out there considering taking on roommates.

Really think about it. Reaaaaaally hard. Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally harrrrrrrrrrrrd.

Mr. T and I bought this house…just over a year ago. It’s a big house, for a married couple with no kids. We have a master bedroom with it’s own bathroom, a laundry room, a two-car garage, a living room, a kitchen/dining room, a half-bath, two bedrooms upstairs, a great room, and a full bathroom upstairs. In case you wanted to know that. You probably don’t care. TOO BAD. Anyway – we wanted a house to grow into. I didn’t want to buy a house that fit us now and then wake up with 3 kids and go “Well, this is too small.”

If you do something like that you may think “Why don’t I take on some roommates to help pay the mortgage?” Let me present to you TWO scenarios that I have faced in the past year that will hopefully be enough to dissuade you from ever doing such a crazy thing:

ONE
The first people you may think about are your own friends. “Oh, so-and-so is moving into town and looking for an apartment – why don’t we let them stay with us until they find a place of their own!” Now, here is the issue with that. It may or may not be on purpose, but your friends will quite possibly take advantage of you. In the spirit of being generous and trusting….we’re just going to assume they failed to prioritize and didn’t actually go “Well I’m going to take advantage of them because I can.” When you have a friend/family member as a landlord and know they aren’t going to kick you out, you may not put rent at the top of your list of things to pay for. You may instead rank booze or organic foodstuffs higher. And then it’s time for rent and you go “Whoops! I don’t have any money in my bank account!” And it’s very upsetting to be the homeowner to discover that, after they move out of your house and into an apartment where they will be evicted, they can suddenly pay rent again. On time. Every month. I mean…you’re my friend so “Yay for getting your life together.” but “wtf – why couldn’t you pay me? Your rent here was less than there and you could never pay me?!” The one good thing to note during this entire process is that you can cover your mortgage without anyone’s help. Even when you have the utility usage of a six-person family. Yes, six people. Three dogs. Two cats. And various reptiles.

TWO
After two failed attempts at living with friends you may swear off friends forever. You may even start dropping the ‘f’ word like it’s some sort of swear (“friend” that is, not “f*ck”). So the next time you try roommates you go “No more friends! We’re going to take on people who are mere acquaintances and have them sign a roommate agreement so they know we will kick them out if they don’t pay rent! Well. That’s all well and good, but now you’re living in a house with people who aren’t your friends. No, not just “a house” – YOUR house. And you suddenly think “wtf am I doing? This is my house! I don’t want these strangers in here!” And you’ve having to deal with all the BS of sharing TV time, making small talk, getting chastised for the kitchen not being clean enough… Suddenly your refrigerator is divided and you’re having to write your name on your milk like you haven’t had to do since you 19, living in a college apartment. You may even look back at the times with your – pardon my French – friends and suddenly that doesn’t sound so bad. Because at least then when you were writing a blog post and heard one moving around upstairs you didn’t run and hide in your bedroom because you didn’t want to have to talk to them. Well, that is until they owed you over $1,000 and all you wanted to do was turn them upside down and shake them until the money fell out of their pockets…

Bottom line: DO NOT HAVE ROOMMATES WHEN YOU’RE A GROWN-A** WOMAN (or man). The money you may or may not save isn’t worth the hatred you’ll have in your soul. The good news is, this time next year we’ll be roommate-free! Each of our current roommates have a one-year-or-less policy on their leases.