GTA V, Part 1

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I mentioned to Mr. T at some point that I had always wanted to play a Grand Theft Auto game, but had never gotten one. So he got me GTA V for Christmas! Such a nice man, that Mr. T. Anyway, on Christmas Day we got up and opened our stockings to each other. I got him some small tools and a couple of toys. He got me underwear and GTA 5. Oh, and some candy. We have a romance for the ages. We were planning on meeting his grandmother for lunch around 1:30, so I had all sorts of time to get my game on! I even posted this picture on FB at 8:30:

GTA V, Part 1 | The Wilson BuzzThe game starts up with three guys in the snow, running around… (Oh, btw, you know these posts are always rambling, nonsensical spoilers, right?) Honestly, I don’t remember much. Shoot some enemies (you know – cops), some people on our side get shot, everyone’s in a panic (oh, wait – that was just me), and then the scene is over and you go to a cut scene 10 years later. Dude’s now seeing a psychiatrist, complaining about his useless son…blah blah blah – end of cut scene the game freezes.

Balls.

Turn the system off and back on, game starts up again at the cut scene…freezes at the end. TO GOOGLE. Delete the game install, reinstall, start the game…freezes. Son of a… Anyway, you get the picture. The game is straight busted. And it’s Christmas. And we’re going out of town for four days. And then we both have to go back to work as soon as we get back into town.

Fast-forward to NYE.

I’m taking Mr. T to work, so we don’t end up with two cars on The Square at the end of the night (we were planning on drinking that night and getting a cab home, instead I just picked Mr. T up and we drank wine at home – alone #GloriousDay). Take it back to GameStop, where they had just sold the last copy. I have to take him to work, then go to the other GameStop. Victory at last! Hopefully. (Yes, victory.)


So there’s a lot of backstory you didn’t ask for or care about! On to the actual game!!

Like I said, you start off with dude that I’m assuming is part of the previous game(s). But after the cut scene you’re this young black man, stealing a car. Oh, no – wait. You’re repo-ing the car. Oh, and let me just say…I am NOT mean enough to play this game. The black guy – Franklin – is friends with this stupid mofo…Lamar? Who just causes him to make all sorts of poor life choices. I’m like “Dude, why are you listening to this fool! This is a mistake!!” If I had my way, Franklin would end up in college by the end of the game. >.< What’s so bizarre is how Franklin is like “You dumb, (n-word), this gonna get us killed and/or imprisoned.” AND THEN HE DOES IT ANYWAY. Fine – if you’re going to kill people all willy-nilly you do you, brah. BUT DON’T POINT OUT THE STUPIDITY OF YOUR ACTIONS BEFORE YOU DO THEM.

Anyway, you play as Franklin for awhile and then finally it starts to tie in, because suddenly the dude from the beginning has pulled a gun on you because you repo’d his son’s car and then I realize the entire dealership is just a scam (I’m seriously too nice of a person for this game – and I don’t think I’m all that nice). Now I’m playing as the first guy – Michael – and that’s when I stumbled across a movie theater. But not before I drove a cab for awhile to make some $$. Seriously…the most bizarre things happen in this game. Anyway, I got to watch one of the MOST bizarre films I’ve ever seen. I was telling Mr. T all about the game and got to the movie part and he started trying to get more info on it and I was like “Look…I can’t explain it, alright?” He didn’t believe me until I accidentally watched it AGAIN. Ugh.

(You’re welcome.)

It was on my second gaming session when I actually started to get a little mean (with encouragement from Mr. T). I punched a woman right before I went in to the movie. lol! #SoNaughty But it totally killed her. She was still lying outside the theater we I came back out. And then an ambulance showed up. I was just standing there, watching it, and Mr. T was like “Why don’t you steal the ambulance??” For real – it never would’ve crossed my mind. But I did, and then there was a chase. Let me say – the police chases are one of the main reasons I don’t go crazy and murder everyone. I’m not the best driver. 8P

A few things I didn’t expect… At one point when I was playing as Michael I saw a strange symbol on my map I’d never seen before… And I ended up playing tennis for like 30 minutes. It was one of the more bizarre experiences of the game. I expected strippers and murder. I didn’t expect tennis. And it’s legit tennis, too. I had to Google how long a tennis match is. FYI: long. But that prepared me at least for when I stumbled across a golf course as Franklin and played a full 9 holes of golf (2 over par, thankyouverymuch). I kicked the NPC’s butt in tennis, too, for the record. Which I was really proud of until I remembered you set the difficulty at the beginning of the match and I picked “easy”. Ah, well. I needed a confidence booster.

So far my biggest “dafuq?” moment was when I was playing at Michael and came across a man trying to legalize weed. He had me take a hit and suddenly aliens. Soooo many aliens. I died a lot. Actually, I just die a lot in general. Things got a bit better when I re-learned that L2 locks the aim onto enemies. And the game pretty much relies on that 100% for shooting purposes. Because the little indicator on the screen telling you where you’re aiming is the world’s tiniest white dot. So tiny. So useless. So difficult when you forget about L2.

Another impossible thing: shooting while driving. Sweet Jesus… You steer with L, but aim with R… R2 is gas, L1 is shooting… I CANNOT MULTITASK, PEOPLE. Eventually you start playing as this crazy guy – Trevor – and he likes killing everyone. EVERYONE. I probably killed more people in the short time I played as him than I did the hours I was the other two guys. (Again, because I’m a pansy and don’t kill people without the game making me. What if they have families?!) Anyway – he (Trevor) is in a pickup with a dude in the back, and they’re chasing down bikers that I have to shoot, while avoiding a van, without dumping the guy out the back. IMPOSSIBLE. I’m so glad people aren’t watching me play this thing, because it’s a disaster. I ran off the road a lot. This game is for real going to be twice as long as it should be, because I have to attempt each mission at least 500 times. At least.

The one thing Mr. T and Smithy got to watch was me trying to fly a plane. I know I’ve used this word a lot in this (far too long) post, but let me say it again – impossible. I got a mild cause of motion sickness, too. The controls are VERY sensitive when flying. And even once you get that sorted, you have to land. My God – landing… I even let Mr. T try a few times. Because once you get flying down it becomes pretty flipping tedious, since it takes a couple minutes to get from the restart point to the airfield, only to crash in a blaze of glory because landing IS IMPOSSIBLE. The best I ever did, my landing gear got snagged on a fence THAT DOESN’T LOAD UNTIL YOU’RE ABOUT TWO FEET AWAY. I can’t fully express the rage I felt, since I’ve over-used my caps-lock already. I. was. enraged. At any rate, Mr. T finally landed the plane (by some miracle), even though it ended up hugging a water tower. It was pretty amazing. The wing snagged it, but he was going slow enough that the plane just kind of circled around and stopped. Imagine someone ice skating and grabbing onto another person to spin/stop.

AND THEN WE HAD TO DRIVE IT INTO A HANGER.

Once I had it parked the game was like “Oh, btw – you can now buy buildings, and if you buy this one you can fly lots and lots!” I just laughed maniacally and left.

So far I have driven (poorly): cars, ATVs, motorcycles, planes, jet skis, and my personal favorite: a scooter. Franklin drove the scooter to play golf! He lost ALL his “gangsta” cred in a matter of minutes. You’re welcome. He should be enrolling in college soon.

GTA V, Part 1 | The Wilson BuzzOh I didn’t even mention the dog! Apparently you can download an app on your phone to train him! And the strippers!! (You can’t train strippers…at least I don’t think you can…) I spent far, far too long getting lap dances in an attempt to get the strippers to “like” me, just to see what would happen. Apparently you can ask to go home with them. But both the ones I felt up for half an hour won’t go home with someone, even if their “like” meter is all full up. Son of a bee sting…


The Sims 4, Complaints

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I’m sorry I’m writing about this again…

So now that I have some hours of Sims 4 playing under my belt, I feel like I can accurately complain about certain aspects of it.

  1. Generations. I didn’t notice this right away, but they don’t have a family tree anymore. I would say something about this being what’s wrong with the world today – people only care about what’s happening right. now. and don’t care about the past at all – but I think that’s a bit too deep to go into right now. I really miss this aspect of the game. I Googled it (in case I just couldn’t find the generations info) and someone was guessing they would probably include a “Generations” or “Family” expansion pack as a way to pry more money from our wallets.
  2. Multi-tasking. I know I said this was one of the cool things about the game in my first post but there is one teensy annoying thing about it. When they’re all having their lively little group chat, the constant standing/sitting/moving seats/standing action is infuriating. They can’t just freaking sit down for dinner as a family without everyone getting up and changing seats every 30 seconds. Oh, another thing – if I tell them to pee, then read a book, they’ll go 9 miles out of their way to get the book first because they can do both at the same time. It’s kind of amusing to see someone drinking/reading/taking selfies while pooping, but they spend such a short amount of time on the toilet I don’t think that feature is really worth it.
  3. Hot tubs. I couldn’t care less about missing pools, but I do miss the hot tubs. It was a great way to raise your “fun” meter while also interacting with other sims and possibly getting a little frisky. Speaking of:
  4. “Woohoo”. The only place I’ve found that sims can get their freak on is in bed. Kind of boring. They can now do it in the same room with other sims, which is convenient, I guess. But it’s probably because their “woohoo” is so lackluster no one notices it’s going on. I get that teenagers play this game, but come on.
  5. Toddlers. I reaaaaaaally miss toddlers. Jumping straight from baby to child is so jarring now that I’m used to the toddler buffer from Sims 3. But honestly it’s not that big of a deal. I’d just like to have it come back.
  6. Age distinctions. None of my teenagers have started relationships because I can’t freaking tell sims apart. Teenagers, young adults, and adults have a lot of the same clothing options and don’t change all that much physically as they age up.
  7. Open world. I don’t really want a massive open world like in Sims 3. My computer couldn’t handle all that noise. But the worlds are divided up into neighborhoods, so I thought you would at least be able to visit another lot in the same neighborhood without having to reload…and I was wrong. There are open areas you can walk to, like a field behind my sims’ house that has some picnic tables and grills in it. It’s not an official “lot” but you can still walk over and interact with neighborhood sims. And you can walk up to a house/lot in the neighborhood and click “visit”…but then load screen. *womp womp* I also hate not being able to jump back and forth between traveling sims and still-at-home sims as easily as you could in Sims 3. Sorry, I don’t trust them to be left to their own devices. Maybe that’s a personal issue I need to work out with a therapist, though.
  8. Gardening. As far as I can tell, plants never die. So I have approx. a billion of each type of plant I’ve ever planted, with no end in sight. I guess you can sell the produce for supplemental income? Recipes also always cost money, even with the produce. And I don’t know how to find everything. Like recipes call for potatoes, but I’ve yet to see a potato plant. Splicing/grafting two different plants was cool. I keep meaning to create one monstrous plant that has a bit of everything on it.

I’m sure there are more that I can’t think of right now. Usually when I’m playing the game I go “Ah! This is so annoying! I need to add it to my Things that are annoying about Sims 4” blog post!” but never remember it after I turn the game off. So anyway, I think they just expect gameplay to be different with this one than how it was with Sims 3. Or at least different than how I played Sims 3. Instead of fleshing out large families maybe I should just focus on a single sim meeting all his/her life goals. Or maybe try to see all the different ways to kill off a sim. Hmm…


The Sims 4, Overview

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Do you guys remember when The Sims was first released? I do – vaguely. I saw the ads on TV and said “Do want.” Actually, I probably didn’t say that because that’s a fairly new nonsense term that didn’t exist back in…2000?! My God, man – is that right?? 26 – 14 = 12?? I don’t think I was playing it when I was 12. But maybe! Because I got a TON of expansions for it before Sims 2 was released. I don’t think I’d be lying if I said The Sims was one of the main contributing factors toward my lack of a social life in high school. Seriously. I loved that game.

Sims 2 came out in 2004 and rocked my world. I can’t emphasize enough how much of my teenage years revolved around The Sims. I read a lot, too. But I always had a piece of notebook paper that I used as a bookmark, and every character name was written down to use as a Sim name. I was not (and am not) creative so all my Sims would be Bob Smith if left to my own devices. I also browsed baby name websites. You have no idea. No. Idea.

When Sims 3 came out in 2009 I was already in college so I had less free time (more friends and some sort of social life, not to mention classes that actually challenged me). I didn’t play it nearly as much as I had the first two, but I still played the crap out of it. Especially at the beginning. A lot has fallen to the wayside since I got married. For real. I never journal anymore, and I never play The Sims. Mr. T – what have you done to me?! ;)

I accidentally stumbled across an article or something that mentioned The Sims 4 was a thing that was going to happen. Suddenly my obsession came rushing back. THE SIMS! <3 And now I have a job! I can afford to buy it! So I pre-ordered it. >.< $70 you guys. That seems so insane to me. I got a few extras with it that may or may not make it more fun…they were installed automatically when I downloaded it, so I don’t know what would be different if I’d gotten the less fancy version.

I appreciated being able to download the game ahead of time, so it would be ready to play as soon as it was released. And double-plus for the fact that you don’t have to be connected to the internet to play it. I’m not a big gamer, so I didn’t have to deal with all the drama of previous games that had server overloads and crashed or whatever kept happening. I also don’t know the number differences between people who play The Sims and people who play…what was it? Sim City? Diablo? I don’t know. At any rate, I didn’t have any issues downloading the game on September 1 or playing it on September 2.

As far as the game is concerned…

The tutorials are a bit annoying. Every time I open build mode (build/buy modes have been combined, which just makes sense) a new tutorial pops up. I guess it’s better than getting hit with them all at once, but when I jump over to buy a lamp I don’t freaking need a pop up explaining how to add a foundation to my house! I don’t know how to make that better, though, and at the end of the day I don’t really care. So whatever. It doesn’t really detract from the overall experience.

I think it’s interesting what they chose to give more customization vs less customization options from previous games. One of their big selling points was how detailed and intuitive body modification can be. And it is! You click and drag every aspect of the sim’s body and face and can get suuuuper detailed. But that’s never been my thing. I can’t create a normal-looking human to save my life, so I almost always go with one of the default faces. What was a huge time-suck for me was the clothing. In Sims 3 you could change the pattern, texture, color, EVERYTHING, in a very detailed way. I would spend an ungodly amount of time making sure their pants looked good with their tops, or that their workout outfit had the exact same shade of purple in the piping on the pants as well as the top. Utter madness, I tell you. Well all that’s gone now. Each article of clothing has a pre-set selection of options for you to choose from. The same with hair, makeup, accessories – even furniture. That kind of bummed me out.

I love the multi-tasking aspect of the game. “eat this food, sit on the couch, watch this on TV” I cracked up the first time a sim took a drink to the bathroom with him. They can play on their phones while pooping or watching TV. I haven’t tried to get them to poop and watch TV, though. Hmm… Group conversations are pretty snazzy. The little window at the top of the screen that displays your relationship with the person you’re talking to, along with their mood and what trivia you know about them, is nice. You know that they’re feeling “playful” so you can crack jokes with them, or if they’re in a bad mood you can try to brighten their spirits – or avoid them. Some stuff is weird, like when you’re in a group conversation near seating they’re all constantly standing up, sitting down, scooting over, etc. I imagine it’s similar to talking to a drug addict who can’t sit still, lol!

They’ve moved the little pictures of the sims that you use to switch between playable characters from the left side down to the bottom, and that’s tripped me up several times. I keep cancelling interactions because I see the picture of dude’s face and try to click it to select him. I almost immediately switched the camera commands back to Sims 3, and even now they’re a little wonky to me. Change – I don’t like it. It may be my computer, but moving the cursor to the edge of the screen to move the camera is a bit finicky. I’ve started using the right-click-drag method. I hate that you can’t monitor moods while they’re at work, and that the mood window automatically closes. I like to keep track of their stats so I don’t wait until the last minute to take care of something and they pee on themselves or at the very least end up in a bad mood.

The worlds are a lot smaller now. I think that helps with load time – I know my computer couldn’t handle the huge world in the Nightlife expansion on Sims 3. But it kind of feels like we moved backward. I’d rather feel like I need to upgrade my computer than have a game with less functionality. Anyway – there are two cities and each one has 3-4 neighborhoods plus a park and a commercial section of about 4 buildings. I’ve only played for a few hours, but I don’t see a way to buy groceries – it’s back to paying for each meal. I did discover my sim could “harvest” some flowers, but I haven’t seen any edible plants. They may be around somewhere. I really liked the gardening aspect of the previous games. It is cool that you can travel between cities… I kind of miss having cars, though. It’s back to calling to “travel” and the sim just disappears and reappears after a load screen. Again – I think that helps with load time.

I think for this iteration they focused a lot more on AI and scaled-down the customization and some of the more extraneous features. Which is cool, I guess. I’m hoping they’ll bring some aspects back in with expansion packs and free upgrades. I have zero desire to buy individual items in their store – I know that was a big thing in Sims 3. But I am not going to pay $1 here $1 there for a new haircut or bed. Thanks, no thanks. In some ways this game feels like a huge step forward, and in others it feels more like the original Sims as opposed to Sims 2 or 3. Again – greater focus on AI and less on customization.

Anyway – I enjoy it. It’s kept my interest for the past two nights, to the detriment of my housecleaning schedule. It could not have been released at a worse time! I had a plan guys – a plan! We’re roommate free now and I was going to CLEAN. Top to bottom, really get in there and reorganize and deep clean the living room, kitchen, our bedroom, and our bathroom. I got most of the living room done Monday, but Tuesday and Wednesday I just sat on my rumpus and played Sims 4. >.< But I really like the layout of my living room! I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do anything different in there, thanks to things like the massive fireplace, cable connection, and our large, overstuffed furniture. But I had great success! Once I get it CLEAN I’ll post pictures. I’ve gotten off-topic.


Pilates, Update #1 – Plus Some Rambles

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Hey-Ohhh….

I’ve actually gotten up and done Pilates every morning this week!! Trust me, you’re not as surprised as I am. If it makes you feel better, I’ve barely exerted myself. 8P

Like I said before, it’s split up into five ten-minute workouts. Stretching, full-body, arms, core, and legs. Monday I just did the stretching. Tuesday I did arms followed by stretching. Wednesday I just did stretching. Thursday I *attempted* legs. And this morning I just did stretching. There is a direct relation between my bedtime the night before and the amount of working out I did in the morning. I really enjoy the stretching (obviously), but it doesn’t really cause me to exert myself – which is probably why I like it. But the reviews were right…this is definitely a more advanced Pilates than I’m capable of. >.< I did okay on the arms, but the leg workout – Geeze, Louise. I didn’t have the balance or the strength to do a few of those moves. I’m kind of terrified to try the full-body, but I had full intentions of doing the core workout this morning. Before I stayed up until midnight reading…

I was talking to Exum about my Goodreads goal to read 100 books this year, and how I’m picking quantity over quality at this point and downloading every free smutty book (only because those are usually the ones that are free) I can get my hands on to rack up my numbers, and then the last half of the year actually read some good books that take a week or two to finish. He made a joke about how he was surprised that it took me more than four hours to read anything, and I started thinking “Hm, I have read a lot of books so far this year, considering it’s still January.” So I went to Goodreads to investigate, and have read 15 books in 17 days. Go me!

Thanks to Exum my desktop is up and running again. But considering it was the wireless adapter that caused its little melt-down, I’m not too keen on plugging that back in. So my gaming has been put on hold for a bit…I may just take the desktop downstairs and hook it up via Ethernet. I really want to get back into Arkham Asylum. I’ve also been wanting to pick up Minecraft again, even though I always suck at it and lose interest before I make anything interesting. And MC sent me a game that I want to try out. But…there are only so many free hours in my day, and TV/books tend to get priority over gaming. Oh! Little Hippo also gave Mr. T and me a game for the PS3 for Christmas. Lego Marvel Superheroes I started on that, but didn’t get very far, and didn’t post about it. My b.


Arkham Asylum, Day 1

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I’m FINALLY playing Arkham Asylum. I’ve only owned the stupid thing for YEARS. I did learn something valuable from my BioShock: Infinite experience and started out on Easy mode. It’s not so degrading if you start with it, instead of having to switch to it once it gets too hard. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Honestly, it’s almost too easy. I’ve been playing for over an hour and haven’t died yet! But I’m not changing the mode. 8P I also tried to play it with the lights off, to set the mood. But I’m not familiar enough with mouse/keyboard controls, so I had to turn them back on. >.<

It’s a pretty fun game. You’re Batman, right? And you just apprehended the Joker and are bringing him into Arkham. But you’re all “This was too easy.” and the people that work at the Asylum are all “No, you can’t come in here.” and the Joker’s all like “Joke’s on you, suckas! Now I’m running this joint!” I’m already over Batman and his ideals. Because Joker has told him that he’s planning on killing lots of people and gave Batman a chance to off him and Batman was all “Nope!” (If I had been in control I would’ve at least tried to chuck a batarang at him – harumph.)

All the usual things have happened – Commissioner Gordon was captured (useless, that guy), I’ve had to subdue lots of prisoners. Harley Quinn is there. The Joker is a dick but still totally my favorite villain. Next to Jim Carrey’s Riddler… I’ve had to climb and crawl and use all my bater-tools. It’s a fun game – I like the storyline. And I REALLY like easy mode.

Best thing so far? I just tracked a guard down by his whiskey breath. Heh. Too bad Joker found out and killed him – it was a flawless plan! Also, I’m in communication with Gordon’s daughter? I know nothing about this part of the storyline, because the only thing I know about Batman is based on the movies. And I don’t recall ever seeing Batman having a direct line to Gordon’s daughter. (Aww, yeaaaa…)

The only thing that has screwed me over is I don’t know where save points are. I miss games where there was this big swirly thing you had to step through and it’d be like “BAM! YOU SAVED!” Now there is just this little swirly, inoffensive thing someone in a corner that I never notice. Like, I found the dead booze guard and it was all “Objective Complete” and I was all “GOOD TIME TO STOP, THEN!” and it was all “Are you sure, unsaved data will be lost” (This would be a good place to say “Last saved was: <blah>”), but it always says that so I was like “Yeah, whatever – totes reached a save point.” But I hadn’t! I’m not sure how far back it put me, and I was too upset to investigate.


flOw, Day 1

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Yeah…this is the first game That Game Company made. I vaguely remember playing it online at some point (it was originally a PC game). I’m not sure if it’s the game, our controller, or my total suckage as a gamer, but I have found it extremely difficult to control the little creature in the game. It’s pretty fun, though, even if it gets a bit frustrating. Unfortunately it’s another one of those games that I have no idea how to explain…

Basically it’s “eat or be eaten” – you’re a little swimmy thing and you get bigger as you eat other swimmy things. Avoid getting eaten by swimmy things as well. And then just when you’re getting the hang of the swimmy thing under your control suddenly that level is over and you are in control of a new swimmy thing. You control the…swimmy things…by rotating the controller, similar to the way you controlled the wind/petals in Flower. But I dunno…it’s very finicky. Especially when I get panicky because something is trying to eat me.

Yet again, I probably gave up right before the game was over, but I got sleepy and went to bed. Every level was followed by another level and they were very similar to all the other ones… But like I said with Flower, it’s very pretty and the music is soothing. Just thinking about it is making me sleepy. Still don’t regret the purchase. And I’m really looking forward to Journey!flOw screenshot


Flower, Day 2

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Day 1

Yeah, I had like…a level left when I went to bed last time. >.<

I actually played through Level 5 like three times, because it’s stupid. Every other level ends in a vortex, right? You go all swirly and crap and woo! But on Level 5 you get all the way to the end, see the vortex, and then the screen fades out and you’re back on the menu. I kept thinking I had messed up. Not gotten enough petals or something. I finally gave up and went on to Level 6. AND I WAS AT THE VORTEX. For whatever reason they put the vortex from the end of Level 5 at the beginning of 6. It makes no sense to me. *grumble grumble* My flower is still super droopy, though, so I don’t think I did it quite right, anyway. That level was hard. It was the only hard one, too. The rest of the time it was really brainless and chill. I think my two-year-old niece might enjoy this one.

This game isn’t as easy to write about as BioShock: Infinite, since there really isn’t a plot or storyline. The last level was a lot of fun, though. My brother-in-law called me right as I finished it and the cut scene began, so I honestly don’t know how the game ends. Kind of lame. There was a big tree, or something.

I haven’t figured out if it’s supposed to be political, though. It’s kind of “industrialization is bad – nature is good” but at the same time the last level is a big city. There’s just a lot of grass and flowers in it. And a HUGE tree.

It’s a fun game. I don’t regret buying it, especially if flOw and Journey are as cool as this one was. I still think it would be fun to play while doing drugs.


Flower, Day 1

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journey collectors edition

 And so it begins…

Little Hippo is supposed to be playing this one with me – you better not disappoint, Little Hippo!! He should be blogging and/or vlogging about it. Imma be SUPA pissed if he doesn’t! *grumble*

First things first – I am cooking this for dinner. I must go see if it is ready for me to nom and/or om nom nom. Mr. T is going to see Thor with one of his coworkers, so he may never be heard from again. At the very least I don’t need to wait on him to eat. Eh…it still has a few minutes, might as well get the game started, eh? It’s going to take it about 5 years to do the install, anyway, I’m sure.

Time passes…

Day 1

First off I discover our new (cheap) remotes don’t work with this game. Awesome. You play the entire game by just rotating the controller, and the cheap knockoffs we bought don’t have the doohickie in them that does that. Luckily the problem with our old ones was that the buttons stuck, so no big deal! First I watch an episode of Malcolm in the Middle and eat my delicious food.

Alright, I’ve beaten level 1. I guess. There aren’t really instructions. I was a petal and I fluttered around coming in contact with flowers, collecting more petals. When you got all the flowers in an area, the brown grass turned green. And at the end I revived a tree! It’s very soothing. I think it would be fun to play whilst on drugs. Just guessing! Also, the game got a lot easier once I discovered I couldn’t get stuck in the grass. I was afraid I would have to hurry and get everything done before I hit the ground. But apparently that doesn’t happen. So huzzah!

I’m off for round 2!

Level 2 was also fun. More of the same. Oh goodness, I need to get a picture of my dog. Hold on.

Vigo

Anyway, the levels start in some sort of apartment window. There was one sad little potted plant and then I did Level 1 and it perked up. And then another plant appeared, played a level with it, and so on. The view outside the window gets less dreary every time, and the apartment looks nicer as well. I’m curious to see how this game develops. Is there ever an enemy? I was afraid wind would make me lose petals or something, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. If I veer too far off course it spins me around, but that’s about it.

So far it’s really pretty, really soothing, and really simple. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I hope there is…more…

Alright, I made it to Level 4 or 5…I forget. I got sucked in and stopped updating every time. It was a lot of the same, and then suddenly I was getting zapped with evil red electricity. It’s almost midnight and I’m tired. All the dogs are getting on my nerves, so I think it’s my bedtime. >.<

I have no clue how many levels this thing has – I may have been about to beat it, or I may have only just begun. No clue. I still think it’s a very soothing game. If Mr. T were playing it I could totally snooze to it. Better than listening to him play Borderlands 2, lol! The music is nice. And every time you hit a flower it plays a note. So fun! That’s why it was so jarring to hear “ZzzZZzzAP!” and lose a bunch of petals.

I’m really curious to see how the other two games in this set go. But for now…I must pass out. Goodnight, moon.

(P.S. I’m sorry if this is a bad play-by-play, but this game is weird and doesn’t really have a plot. I’m doing the best I can.)


BioShock: Infinite, Day 6

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Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5

Day 6

OMGIBEATITIBEATITIBEATIT! ITISOVERANDIWILLNEVERPLAYITAGAIN!!

Yeah, I’m not one of those people that likes to go back in and get all the stuff I missed. I BEAT THIS MOTHERF*CKING GAME AND I WILL NEVER PLAY IT AGAIN. Gah, I’m so happy right now! So. Happy.

I finally switched over to easy. It was friggin hard, okay? I’m not going to TELL YOU how many times I died even after that. I threw the controller at one point. I swore. Mr. T feared for his life. But! I beat that mother. f*cking. game. Alright, so for the wrap up…

After I FINALLY defeated the Vox it told me to meet Elizabeth at the bow of the airship. This is when I learned I had no idea where the bow of a ship was and spent about 5 minutes wandering about like a fool. IT WASN’T THAT BIG OF A SPACE. Anyway, we tell the big bird thing to kill the big tower thing that was restricting Elizabeth’s power (may have never mentioned that). But I dropped the little music player that controlled him so he came to attack us and she was all “OPEN DA RIP” and we were underwater and he drowned slowly and sadly. BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE THE SADDEST THING TO HAPPEN.

I’m guessing the underwater world is from the original BioShock. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get around to that one. But, yeah, Elizabeth goes on and on about how she can see everything now and there are all these doors that lead to infinite worlds where exactly similar things happen. THERE ARE ABOUT TO BE A LOT OF MAJOR SPOILERS.

So we go to where I’m getting baptized. (Right?) And I’m all “What’s the point of this?!” and then we’re in my office and dude’s all “Give us the kid to erase your debt!” and I’m all “What, there is no kid?” BUT THERE TOTALLY IS A KID. (Do you see what’s happening?) Yeah, I sold my daughter Anna to Comstock (the false prophet) to get out of debt. MUST HAVE BEEN A LOT OF DEBT, EH!? Dave Ramsey would be pissed. But wait – there’s more!

HERE ARE SUPER DUPER SPOILERS THAT YOU MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW IF YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY THIS GAME, BUT BY EVEN MENTIONING THAT THERE ARE SPOILERS I MAY HAVE MADE YOUR BRAIN START THINKING SO YOU’LL FIGURE THEM OUT ON YOUR OWN. BASICALLY I HOPE MY FIRST “SPOILERS” WARNING DETERRED YOU AT THIS POINT, BECAUSE NOW IT’S PROBABLY TOO LATE. OKAY HERE WE GO: I AM COMSTOCK!

They explain it more eloquently, but that’s the gist of it. That baptism scene – if I get baptized it creates a reality where I become Comstock. If I don’t get baptized I become the Booker that gives his daughter TO Comstock to pay off the debt. So the only way to stop it is to have like 5 alternate realities of my daughter drown me pre-baptism. Which…now I’m wondering if I got baptized…well, no – because Comstock couldn’t have existed before I had her. I hope there is a mother in the picture, or she’s probably going to die before anyone realizes I’m gone. And where are the witnesses for this bizarro murder? I’ve gotten off topic. The point is I’m Comstock and five iterations of my daughter killed me to prevent me from destroying the world.

It ended and now I’m sad. And yet so, so happy. So happy! Stay tuned for my next game! I’m going more lightweight this time. I need a break…


BioShock: Infinite, Day 5

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Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4

Day 5:

Spoiler alert: Still haven’t beaten this ******* game.

I didn’t play for very long tonight because it pissed me off. I’m on the airship, right? I’m not sure if I mentioned that last time. I’m on an airship. We got on initially to kill the prophet. And we totally did! Well I did. He was all “Tell her why she’s got a janky finger!” and I’m all “I don’t know why she has a janky finger!” and then I bashed his head in on a bird bath. Yeah, right? I don’t know. Then the Vox people start attacking us because OF COURSE THIS GAME ISN’T OVER YET. But now the giant bird thing I may have never mentioned prior to now, even though I really should have… Yeah, the note from future Elizabeth was telling current Elizabeth to play these magic notes to turn the giant bird into an ally instead of a murderous fowl. So it’s helping us kill all the Vox. The freaking airship has this super important core RIGHT ON THE OUTSIDE DECK. You don’t even want to know how long it took for me to figure out that I was supposed to be protecting that thing. >.< Anyway, I died about a million times and then MR was all “Can’t you change the difficulty level?” and Mr. T was all “Don’t ever say that to her again.” But by then all I saw was red and then I gave up.

rage quit

 

Day 6